lessons from the middle...
When I was a little girl I used to copy the pages of the dictionary. I know, weird, right? Somewhere in my little girl brain, there is a comfort that words bring, it’s always been there. So it’s not surprising that today, 40-ish years later, I would be doing a Bible write-through. Recently, as I was writing Psalm 136, I was part way through and the Holy Spirit stopped me and said, “do you see that?”!
It's important to note that this is one of the Psalms that has a very distinct cadence to it. One verse declaring what God is like, or what he has done and the very next verse follows up with, ‘for the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever’. At first glance it might seem monotonous and can even get a little old, like, ‘yeah, I know, I got it’.
But do we get it???
I mean basic Bible study teaches us that any repetition in the Word is there to catch our attention. There is something that we need to hear again,
…be reminded of
…pause
…slow down our pace and listen.
I don’t always catch it, but thankfully this time I did. I let the repetition do its job and wow did it ever bless my socks off! Well, actually I don’t have socks on, but if I did, they’d be off for sure:)
Verse 13 says, to him who divided the Red Sea in two, for his steadfast love endures forever; 14and made Israel pass through the midst of it, for his steadfast love endures forever.
As I was writing verse 13, I was reminded of the GIANT nature of God. Divided the Red Sea in two!! I mean, that alone should strike awe in us, right? The concept of splitting seas is way out of my abilities and yours too. So, as I was taking taking that reminder in and relishing the fact that this powerful God is my Savior, I was stopped in my tracks at the next verse…
...and made Israel pass through the midst of it
MADE them pass through—their deliverance path would be a scary one, if they didn’t keep their eyes on who was leading the way. Think about the enormity of this scenario for a moment. Giant walls of sea that are being held back by the arms of God. Imagine yourself there, like the Israelites, walking through the middle of a large body of water. Was it quiet in there? Could they see the marine life swimming up to the wall as if they were at an aquarium, or were they so focused on getting to the other side that they didn’t even notice what was around them? My guess is that their eyes were so fixed on getting to the other side and their minds were so focused on getting away from Pharaoh and his army, that they weren’t able to take in the beauty of what he was leading them through.
Isn’t this true of us as well?
We get fixated. Our gaze gets frozen into the thing that we wish was over, or here, or what “might” happen, or we “wish” would happen and we forget to take in the joy and the beauty of the moment that God has gifted us. This is often so true for me. When I am in the throws of whatever seems to be consuming my mind, its HARD WORK to get off that train.
When I was in the middle of counseling (heck at every point in my 8 year counseling journey, not just the middle), I could hardly wait til I was done. I would consistently ask Dr D, if he thought it was really working and whether I was getting close to being done yet. Only occasionally did I slow down enough to take note of the beauty that surrounded me, but when I did, I was able to see that there was more than just my pain. Some of those times were small moments. Glimpses of a sunset or the laughter of a child playing outside my window. Others were bigger, like an unexpected visit from one of my own kids, a note from a friend or a trip to one of our favorite places.
Either way, they were gifts from the ONE who delights in me, reminding me to be human and take note that He is God. He holds the entire universe in his hands, and sees me.
But let’s talk for a minute about the fact that He made them pass through. The God who could hold back the waters, who can also walk on water, made them pass through this time. I think this part of story is important for us to get ahold of. When we are going through our own scary circumstances that are hard (sickness, fear, discouragement, bankruptcy, depression, anxiety….fill in the blank), there is always a greater purpose than the situation itself. Something bigger is happening. God is refining us, growing us and revealing more of Himself every step of the way. And, I think it’s important to note that we usually can’t see it when it’s happening, but often later we get to experience the effects of it.
I just experienced a couple of pretty hard days, emotionally. I felt sad about a situation in my life and it felt a lot like ‘my old sad days’. But here’s the thing, it wasn’t the same. It was different because I’ve traveled through deep waters with God. I’ve walked that dark road that felt like it could consume me at any moment. As He led me back then, it was equipping me for now. His being with me then, even when it was hard for me to recognize His presence, helped to develop in me the ability to watch for Him now.
In the past, my sadness would cripple me. I would sit in it and as I’ve said before, it would almost be a comfort to me. I had convinced myself that it was what I deserved. It felt safe.
But today, I’m able to slow down, recognize that sadness isn’t my home and I can take it to Jesus. I simply stopped and said, “God, I feel so sad right now because….”. And you know what happened? In the quietness of my heart I felt like He said to me, “I’m sad too. Your sadness makes sense. It wasn’t suppose to be this way.”
I’d like to say that the moment I received that message from him, the sadness lifted. It didn’t. But the weight of the sadness got lighter because I was no longer carrying it alone. Simply giving my sadness a voice, and inviting Him in, gave me room to breathe, to feel, to be human, to have a need, and let Him comfort me.
Much like working out, the muscles of my heart have grown. Step by step through that dark, scary journey, their capacity to trust and believe has increased. I now find myself living in childlike trust with Him like never before and I’m continuing to learn how to adjust my cadence to the rhythm of His abiding love. I’m still in process, but I'm not doing it alone. Not only do I let Jesus into my mess more often, but I’m also allowing others in and I’m becoming more and more convinced that the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever.
…even in my fear and sadness.
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. Isaiah 40:28