Limits, can you trust em?

I was sitting in the bow of our boat as we slowly made our way around the lake, taking in the natural beauty that surrounded me as well as the cabins and homes that lined the shore. As we trolled along I found myself wondering what it would be like to live in a place that boasts over 180 days of sunshine per year. (This is something you do when you live in Seattle and you spend more days looking at a gray cloud coverage than the “bluest skies”, the song so inaptly speaks of.)

Not only was I thinking of what it would be like to live in shorts and flip flops for a good part of the year, but also, about winters where you drink your morning coffee while looking out at a frozen lake.

Hey! A girl can dream, can’t she???

As I sat there looking out, pondering the ‘what if’s’, my grand-kiddos came back and forth to the front of the boat to visit me. They’d climb into my lap or plop down next to me on their knees and look at their reflections in the beautiful clear water. And of course, I would gently grab hold of the strap on the back of their life jackets…just in case…giving them enough room to let their child like selves explore and at that same time ensuring my grip was strong enough to keep them safe if they lost their footing. But, when you’re 2 and can do everything yourself, this is not a welcome touch. In fact, at one point, our little Riley burst into tears because I would not let go of her strap.

Here she is before she got mad at me for holding her back. Also, check out that ring pop on her finger and her dainty little pinky sticking up! Is that not the cutest?!!!

Anyway, this got me thinking, what is it about us that makes us not want to be cared for? That part of us that says, “I don’t need your help, I can do it myself.”

As she buried her face in her hands, I tried to explain that I was only loving and protecting her, but she wanted no part of it. In her mind, I was holding her back from something good.In fact, through her tears, the thing she kept saying to her dad was, “Ama, said no!” Actually I hadn’t said no at all. I was giving her lots of freedom to explore and enjoy her surroundings, with just one restriction, I would gently hold the strap of her life vest.

It sounds a lot like life in the garden doesn’t it??! All the way back to the beginning of time, as we know it, when our brother Adam was exploring the garden with his Creator and He said to him, “all of this is yours to enjoy, just do not eat of that one tree”.(Genesis 2:16)

Just one tree in all of creation!!!

For some reason, there are many get hung up on that piece of the story. The one tree—the part where God draws a line and gives warning. And often it becomes, for them, a skewed picture of what God is like. It’s as if he cannot be good because He has placed limits on Adam and his new bride and on us. But this is a distorted perspective. In fact, rebelliousness was birthed out of this very piece of the story. Rather than us seeing God as He really is, we have a clouded picture of what it means to love and be loved well.

But even if that isn’t your view God, there is now that piece in all of us who cringe or push against limits put on us. This is a direct result of that garden rebellion. Thanks a lot Adam and Eve! Now we say, or rather, think things like, “I’m far too grown up any kind of limits or restrictions. I know what’s best myself. No one will tell me what I can and can’t do.”

Sounds a bit like my two year old Riley-girl.

Honestly, I feel like this is something I battled for far too long. I still find myself pushing against limits and boundaries, acting like a 2 year old in a 49 year old body. It’s not pretty. But fortunately, I’m learning how to ask myself questions, rather than go with the first thought that comes into my head as the final word. I’m beginning to established a new skill of pushing against my rebellion before I let it get the best of me…..most of the time:) I’m able to listen the little girl voice in my head, who feels like she is being told what to do, and pay attention to the strong emotion it brings with it and ask questions like, ‘why is that evoking such a strong reaction in me?’, ‘what is this really about?’. And, ‘could this be about something other than the thing I’m facing right now?’.

Truth be told, most of our strong reactions often aren’t a reaction to the thing in front of us, but rather something behind us.

Unfortunately for me this has most often made its appearance with those closest to me, like Mike, my patient hubby. Generally speaking, when he sets some kind of limit with me (usually having to do with money), I can often feel myself have a very physical reaction.My body lets me know, before any thought has a chance to form, that I want whatever he is setting a limit on and I WANT IT BAD!! Embarrassing to write, but it’s sometimes true. And if I let my first instinct win, then it looks a lot like this in my head. “He’s not the boss of me. I’m a grown woman who can do what I want.” Or, “I just need to make my own money so I can buy what I want, when I want it.” Then there’s this one, “I can’t need Mike, it’s too restrictive”. Of course, none of these thoughts come out of my mouth. I’m far too mature for that. What usually comes out is all kinds of varying ways to validate what I really think I want.

Gross. Honest, but gross.

Now to be fair, as I type this I can see how much I’ve grown. Hallelujah for that! But, it was true for me for a very long time and until I was willing to slow down and pay attention to what is really going on in me, I allowed these thoughts have free reign and they held me captive. I allowed them because they were familiar and honestly they felt safest. Somehow, the thoughts that I was safer not needing anyone became the very walls that imprisoned me.

We often forget that there is a spiritual battle taking place and that we have a part to play. For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ, 1 Corinthians 10:3-5

I had to learn that that little girl voice was trying to say something to me. She was shouting loud, in hopes that I would listen. But just like when two year olds cry out, there has to be someone grown up enough to see what’s really wrong. Someone who is willing to listen through the screams and see what’s underneath the tears. And since the little girl was me, I had to enlist others to fight with me. I had to wage war against the arguments and lofty opinions that had become strongholds. I’ve had to be willing to listen to the thoughts in my head and cooperate with Jesus in taking them captive and making them obedient to Christ. That means reminding myself of my identity in Christ, even if it’s 1000 times a day. Placing reminders around my home and in my car to help me hang on to what is really true, rather than what ‘feels’ true at the time. And being willing to take risk of calling a friend to let them know when I need help. Did this make me feel young a lot of the time? YES! But honestly, I felt young when I was caught in the cycle of lies too. I just had to be willing to try something new and let a few trusted, safe people see my young self, even when it felt vulnerable.

Riley’s frustration with me that day on the boat wasn’t really about me at all. She’s a child and I knew that she was tired and she needed rest. Me holding onto her strap became bigger than it needed to be. She is still so little that she hasn’t had time to learn how to filter what’s happening in her yet and I’m grateful for that. Sometimes our filters become facades that we hide behind.Because I’m a grown-up, who loves her deeply, I could overlook her overreaction and see what was really happening in her. She was tired and often fatigue makes our rebellion bigger than it would normally be.

Friends, this is what our God is like. He’s a grown up all of the time, even when we aren’t. His limits are always meant for our good. He can see what it is that we really need. And, He’s right there, ready to lead us into safe spaces whenever we’re ready and willing to receive it. Let’s link arms, fight the good fight and run to Jesus who already paved the road to our freedom!