One retreat, three miracles

It sure feels like there’s about a half a minute between the end of summer and the holiday season. Do you feel it too? We just put the patio furniture away in storage and next thing you know it’s time to get ready for Thanksgiving. Temperatures start dropping here, and leaves start going from green to the warm shades of yellow and orange.

Even though I’m a summer girl at heart—- I’m not complaining, but wow is time ever weird.

But before we jump in with both feet to the fact that Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner, I want to share a bit about this space between summer and the holiday season. Late September thru mid October was an absolute whirlwind for me. In fact, as I write this, it’s mid October and I’m on my 6th flight in three weeks! At the end of September, into the first part of October I had the joy and privilege to attend a Book Writing Retreat put on by Jeff Bethke, on a 500 acre farm in Vermont.

I know! ….Vermont in the fall is insanely beautiful!!!

I have to be honest, I was one of those people who would hear stories of others who were going to see the beauty of fall on the east coast, and although I celebrated with them in their excitement, I really didn’t have much of a desire to spend the money to take that kind of trip. Give me all the tropical vacations!

But I have to say, I’ve been converted. I came home and not only shared with Mike how my experience was at the retreat, but I began to talk about how we could possibly do an extended trip next fall and see the glory of it all again. (I’ll keep you posted on whether we can make that happen or not:)

Let me wet your appetite with a classic covered bridge pic that one of my new friends took…

I mean, come on!!!

The entire town of Woodstock was literally like walking through a Hallmark movie! And I’m not even gonna get started on how amazing the Maple Creamies taste! Seriously, if you’re ever there you have to try one!

But that’s not all that was wonderful about the time away.

I think I should start by telling you that although I’m an extrovert, flying across the country alone, meeting up with total strangers at the airport (an absolute miracle that we found one another), riding with said strangers for almost 3 hours to the farm where we would spend the next 3 days together, would have normally left me with an ongoing undercurrent of anxiety. I could do it, but I would have been nervous about the whole ordeal. But this time was different.

This was my first miracle.

Before I go on with the rest of my story, you have to see a couple snaps of the beautiful farm where we spent our time together.

Is that not the most spectacular view???? I feel like simply looking at the pics, you can actually feel your heart begin to beat in its natural rhythm, rather than the frantic pace the world tries to pulls us into.

Not only was I surrounded by beauty at every turn, but I met the most amazing women (and men), not only my car and house mates, but the others who attended this retreat as well. Such kind humans. All of us with the different stories about how we got there and varying ideas about what we wanted to do with our future writings, but also with the same kinds of hopes and dreams stirring in our hearts. We all shared similar longings and desires to put our thoughts and ideas into the world for others to feast on, with the hopes that we could do so in such a way that those who might partake of it, would go away satisfied and curious about something more.

This is why we were here.

To learn all the things about what it takes to do that.  And what was so surprisingly delightful was that not only was that the case, but we also really enjoyed one another! I mean, not just with kind platitudes, but with honest sharing of our hearts and lives. A genuine interest in these people that I may never see again.

[I hope that’s not the case—- and in fact, a handful of us have already begun to throw out ideas of when and where our next “meetup” will take place]

Here’s a pic of a few of the women my heart connected with, affectionately named, “Vic chicks”, since we stayed in the vicarage house—-(unfortunately one of us is missing from this pic.)

Without going into all the details of what I learned in this short but powerful few days (pretty sure you’re not going to care about all that), the next thing that caught me off guard  was the fact that the imposter syndrome, that seems to think we’re best friends, actually moved to the back seat for the entire 3 days. This mean voice does a decent job of telling me all manner of things that paralyze me and keep me from pursuing the thing my heart beats for.

Things like…

*you’re too old

*you aren’t formally educated/you’re too dumb

*your voice/story doesn’t matter….who even cares, no one would want to hear what you have to share

…and so many other things.

But, even though it’s amazing she was staying put in the back seat, the coolest part is that I didn’t work really hard to make that happen. I didn’t even have to keep reminder her to move back there, instead, once I was signed up and knew I was for sure going, I ushered her to Jesus and asked him to keep her while I did the thing I felt like he was inviting me into. Not only that, but I asked others to talk to Jesus about it with me. And as I made my way across the country it was as if every statement that she normally tries to cripple me with, I gave momentary ear to, and then left them somewhere along the way. Each fear that reared its ugly head as I went, I didn’t grab onto like a sick security blanket, but rather listened, acknowledged them and set them down as I journeyed on.

Here’s the funny thing, this wasn’t necessarily a conscious decision, but rather, as I kept leaning into Jesus and honest community with others, I didn’t have enough hands to hold anything other than the gift I was being given.

This was miracle number two.

It wasn’t until we had extended free time Saturday afternoon that I fully realized this was happening. We were given time to sit anywhere in the beauty of where we found ourselves, to get alone and write. What came out of me as I sat on the front step of the little chapel was this realization that I wasn’t holding any of those things anymore. I was standing taller, feeling freer, and realizing I was holding goodness, rather than entertaining “what if’s”.

And here’s the truth….the “what if’s” may still come true. It's not out of the question that others may not appreciate the things that I will share. They may not honor them or appreciate the hard work and absolute devotion it took to get them there. People may think I’m too old, my story doesn’t matter, and they may even think my voice doesn’t sound educated enough.

But I realize now, that this first writing project is mostly for me. Not that others might not receive something of value from it, but its a marker that’s mine.

My very own Ebenezer. A standing stone of sorts, of all that God has done in me so far, and the beautiful mystery that I made it! I chose life and entrusted myself to God and others like a BOSS! The journey to get here was actually the hardest thing I’ve ever done—-way harder than childbirth—-and I killed it! I chose to stay in the process and believe there was more and I was worth it.

I mattered. And I have a treasured family I’ve been given that echoes the same tune. They needed me.

Every day of choosing to stay and lean into the unknown had paid off. I had been led to a new place….a spacious place, where all of me was invited.

After these few days on the other side of the country, as I made my way my way home to central Oregon, although I was exhausted (cue red eye flights, time changes and flight delays) and full of information overload, of course I made a couple of day stay in Seattle for a quick visit with my favorite people. While I was at my son Andrew’s home as he was making me dinner on my last night there, he asked, “Mom, what was one big takeaway from your time at the retreat?” I sat for what felt like a long time and answered, “I now know that I can do this.”

This was my third miracle.

And I’m believing it.

I realize that to most of you these three things may not sound like miracles at all, rather things that happened to me along the way. Circumstantial coincidences, at best. And that’s ok cuz they weren’t for you. They were for me. But others of you will relate. You know how loud and persistent that mean voice can get. You know what it’s like to experience the paralyzing feelings that you are ‘less than’.

You’re my people.

Not because we are both stuck, but because we’re both believing together that our God is personal and still in the business of miracles today. The other choice is not longer an option. The truth about who He is and who He says who we are is no longer good news for others, but for us too.

Glory!

What I didn’t tell you earlier was that not only were the people amazing, the beauty spectacular, and the miracles abounding, but the food was off the hook!! Literally 5 star restaurant style. Here’s a pic of the quick lunch we got before heading out for our returning flights.

I mean, come on…if you know me, then you know this was a dream come true!:)

So, as you make the seasonal transition to fall, I hope your heart is tuned into the little things along the way that God has in store for just you. I pray that the upcoming holidays are filled with wonder, and you are able to connect with those close to you in new and precious ways and that your arms are wide open for all that God has in store for you!

xo