Taking the time to lean in, learn and lament

I have had some thoughts about all that’s happening in our world and felt like there were too many words for a simple Instagram post. So I decided to go ahead and get them down for anyone who might want to hear an extended version.

Many of you know my story. Some know more details than others, but I have been very open about my journey towards freedom through counseling. I experienced trauma at the earliest stages of my life which did some big shaping in who I believed I was, and this, in turn, formed and fashioned some of the ways I behaved—-on the outside AND on the inside.

Counseling, for me, was a lesson.  A long lesson. An 8 year deep dive in learning,  that involved choosing vulnerability 2 times a week with someone who, at first, I didn’t know, but would later come to trust with all of myself. 

This is a bit of how I feel about where we are as a city, a nation, and as a world. We have some big lessons to learn. Things have gone awry. Too many years of overlooking injustices to other humans who matter. Many have pretended like everything was ok, even when we knew things weren’t as they should be, and we believed the lie that our voice wouldn’t matter. That one voice couldn’t possibly make any lasting change. Others have misunderstood, or even ignored the problem of racism all together. And still others, had no idea of the depth of injustice and harm that has plagued our precious black brothers and sisters.

For me, as I look at all the conversation about how my fellow humans have been treated for centuries, and all the ways I’ve stayed comfortable within the confines of my own safe world, it calls me to more. It’s an invitation for me to press into learning. 

Growing.

Repenting.

Lamenting.

Changing. 

One step at a time.

Lasting change takes time. It takes intentionality and it takes effort, just like counseling did for me. As much as I wanted to just work harder and get it done in rapid speed, turns out making new pathways in our brains takes more time, gentleness, compassion, and anger for things not being the way they were designed to be, than I would have ever known or chosen.

But just because making a difference takes longer than I think it should or want it to, doesn’t change the truth about how it works, or whether it's worth the effort. Unfortunately, the American way doesn’t do well with anything that takes too long. Generally speaking, we are not good at exercising patience.

Heck, I get annoyed when heating my food in the microwave takes more than 1 minute.

 I know… it’s embarrassing.

But just because in our hearts, we long for a quick fix, doesn’t mean that we can’t do the long, slow, steady work of choosing a new way. We can press into evaluating what it means for our own lives each step of the way, asking Jesus to show us the way and walking (not running) in it.

And at the same time, I think another important thing to note is that heart change and life change requires that we learn to rest. Paying attention to ourselves enough to know when enough is enough. When it’s time to retreat from the conversation and take a break. We cannot work all of the time—-its not how The Designer intended it. God, himself rested and He built in space for us to rest, and we would do well to take advantage of what He modeled and made available to us.

Years ago, when we were doing youth ministry, one of our kids was an introvert all the way through! Every week we packed our family room out with 20-40 kids and we had to tell our daughter, “when you’ve had enough, feel free to retreat to your bedroom”. The reason we did that is because once she reached her tipping point, she could no longer be a productive part of the group. She no longer had anything to give and her ability to receive would almost surely disappear. Her tank was empty and if she stayed, it wouldn’t take long to see that her capacity for kindness and grace had diminished.

Did I think she was weak because she needed to recharge? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Was she ‘not enough’ because she needed space to refuel herself? NO WAY!

She was a human being, made in the image of God,  who had parents to help her to see and know her limits, and give her room to step into them.

For many of us, it is going to require choosing to be kind to ourselves as we lean into this new way of life that will put us smack in the middle of being a beginner. And I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m a beginner at anything new, it’s messy. 

It’s clumsy. 

It’s hard.

It takes courage and grace.

 But, with any new thing we dive into, the more we practice, the better we get at it. We benefit and usually those around us do as well. And, when we’re beginners, we also get tired quicker. It’s not until we build those new muscles, in new ways, that our capacity for more grows. Our ability to not only endure but to flourish in this new way of being begins to grow.

So, let’s be the kind of people who give each other room to begin this journey of listening, learning, lamenting and growing in grace. Space to make mistakes (saying too much, or not enough) and hearts of forgiveness when we blow it. Let’s unhitch each other from the things that “I” think you should or shouldn’t be doing or saying, and let’s start by leading with kindness.