when God calls your name

 As we continue our trek through the days before and after the crucifixion and resurrection, we find that we are as much a part of this story as the actual characters themselves. The word of God has a way of not letting us escape with a smugness around their failures and flops. And the Holy Spirit does a really good job of helping us to see that our lives are equally as messy as those early disciples were who were trying to keep their eyes on Jesus in the midst of their doubts, fears, and unknowns. The glorious wonder of it all is that Jesus remains the same. Our blunders aren’t enough to knock Him off course.Since our last time together, Jesus has been arrested, flogged, misunderstood, beaten, jeered at and hung on a cross next to a couple of common criminals. I find that every time I’m in this portion of Scripture, although I know the how the story ends, I cringe at what humans are capable of… what I’m capable of. It may be easy for some to think to themselves, “I would never have done that”. But you know what, before Jesus came in and changed me from the inside out, I totally could have been one of the characters in this story. It doesn’t take long for me to see myself as one who could have been caught up with where the crowd was going. If no other reason than following the crowd would mean I had a place to belong. A group of people to call my own. That sounds like a super sad and horrible confession but honestly, I think until we see our depravity apart from Jesus, we won’t grasp the enormity of His saving arm.This part of the gospel story has a way of revealing much about ourselves if we’ll immerse ourselves in it and allow the Spirit to do His sifting and refining work.Where we’ll pick up today is just a few days after the disciples and follower’s friend, who they believed would be their rescuer, has been killed and buried. You can almost hear the breath being sucked out of their lungs. Like a terrible gut punch. But hang in there friends, today is the hinge that turns the page of the story that feels like it’s just come to a halting end.Immediately after the Sabbath, Mary Magdalene goes to the tomb of her Lord. Early, while it was still dark.  I just love that John includes these details for us! If we were to go back through all of the gospel accounts of Jesus life, we would see that this was often Jesus’ practice of being with the Father. Early, while it was still dark. In those first waking moments of the day, maybe before the others had even woke up, he would be about His Father’s business. And it feels to me like Mary is stepping into doing what her Jesus did. It makes me want to cry for her. This woman who had been delivered from darkness by Jesus, restored to life and had become a friend and follower only to feel like life had gone dark again. Instead of staying in bed, she gets up early to go to the closest place she knows that she can be near to her Jesus. But when she gets to the tomb where he is laid, the stone has been taken away. Mary’s heart sinks at the thought that someone could have taken her Lord. She’s crushed. Not only is he dead, but now he’s gone.But our God is not a tame lion and cannot be taken anywhere He doesn’t choose to go! Can I get an amen?!!As Mary stoops to look inside the tomb, she can’t keep her tears at bay. She weeps at the second loss of her Lord. The angels who are seated where Jesus body once laid, ask her why she’s weeping and just moments after she shares her pain with them a voice comes from behind her. Same question, ‘why are you weeping?’, but with the added question, ‘who are you seeking?’.I just love this about Jesus. Time and time again in Scripture we find Jesus is the one asking questions. To some this may seem that silly or even inconsiderate that Jesus, who knows the thoughts of man, would take the time to ask. Why wouldn’t he just give us the answers we seek? But I love it because it is a beautiful picture of our God being one who places the highest bar on relationship! He knows that answers won't satisfy, only communion with Him will. It’s conversations like this that give me permission to pour my heart out to him. Praying to our God who already knows the beginning from the end for some seems silly, even crazy, but for me, it validates my humanity and the beautiful relationship he died to make possible for me. But this is just the beginning of what Jesus does in this story that’s so wonderful. After asking Mary those two questions, he calls her by name!I feel like this is an easy verse to just pass over quickly. But can we pause here for a second or two. The God of the Universe. The One who blew stars into place and holds all things together met this one woman in her pain, calling her by her very own name. Deep intimate relationship. I believe He did that because of his great love for her. It is a comfort to be known and in his declaration of her name, he was not only identifying himself, but encouraging her broken heart. In a sense saying, 'I see you Mary'.How about you? What is the thing that has you in distress? What has your heart feeling fearful or even broken? Can you take your tears and fears to Jesus today and let him meet you in the midst of them?  If you quiet all the noise around you, you may just hear him speak your name.…back to the story.It’s hard for us to understand the full implications of this exchange between Jesus and Mary because our culture is much different today than it was then, but I would be amiss if I did not point out that it was absolutely revolutionary that Jesus showed his resurrected self first to a woman. The Gospel, his very purpose for coming, was being fulfilled that very day and he invited her to participate in all that he was doing. The privilege of being a carrier of the Good News of the Kingdom of God was entrusted to this woman, not because she was perfect, but because she was His. Her identity had been transferred from one who was held under the dominion of darkness, to a chosen daughter of the Light.Oh how I can relate to this Mary!And, I might add, she did exactly what he planned for her to do! She took the Good News and ran with it! Her deliverer had himself been delivered and commissioned her with a holy assignment. This resurrected Jesus had met her once again in her pain and infused her life with cosmic purpose. He saw her for who she was, not who she had been. Her dark past did not hinder her opportunity to be a representative of all that Jesus was inviting her to be a part of. In fact, it was because of her dark past that she knew Jesus as her deliverer and couldn’t wait to honor the invitation to go and tell.This is where this story gets real for me as well as for many of you. I spent so much time living in the space in between. That place of believing that I was free somewhere in my head, because of what Scripture says about me, but crippled in my heart because I didn’t “feel” free. My heart often deceived me into believing that I was of no use to God. Too broken for his kingdom purposes. This, my friends, is exactly where the enemy wants us to live. This place of disbelief. This small space filled with fear, doubt, anxiety and constraint.But this is exactly what Jesus came to rectify! It’s exactly what Easter is all about!! The chains that once bound him fell powerless behind him. Death was defeated at the cross for Jesus and for you and me. And when we bring all of ourselves to Him, even the parts we feel ashamed of, we come away with only the marks of where the shackles once held us, but we are no longer bound. Instead, we are set free to fully live. To become living stories of redemption. And even though this exchange was made once and for all, I find that we often have to keep coming back to it. Not that it wasn’t effective the first time, because it was! Make no mistake, the enemy was defeated at the cross! But the cross still stands, available for us to revisit as often as we need the reminder of what’s been done for us.That pathway to the cross is free, but costly. Boy was it ever costly! But the invitation is always open for any who would entrust themselves to the One who paved the way.Let’s link arms and go there together, as often as we need, to stay the course marked out for us, by the One who paid it all. And as we go, let’s speak of His goodness, his deliverance, his grace, his mercy, even as we are still working to receive it fully ourselves. Just because we are not exactly where we want to be or wish we were or think we ‘should’ be, doesn’t dismiss us from being those, who like Mary, have been given the holy invitation to go and tell.He is risen indeed!!!