Be muzzled!

I love words.Words have the power to create images in our minds that take us to new places. They sometimes take us places that are wildly beautiful and enchanting and other times raw and downright ugly. This is why I especially love the words of Jesus, because they never take us to the ugly place, in fact they are the pathway to wonder and extravagance.  Always full of life and light.Yesterday I heard a phrase that Jesus spoke and it brought with it a visual that was so clearly what I have experienced that I am compelled to share with you. Our church just began a walk through the book of Mark and this week we landed in the middle of chapter 1, verses 21-28. As we looked at this passage where Jesus heals the man with the unclean spirit, my pastor shared that the phrase that Jesus used as he spoke to the evil spirit in verse 25, ‘be silent’, can be translated, ‘be muzzled’. That’s quite a picture, isn’t it?!At the first hearing of it, you realize right away, this is not something Jesus, or anyone else for that matter, would say to another human. It’s a term that would be used for an animal or creature that is out of line and needs someone in authority to put it in its rightful place.My daughter Paige and her sweet hubby got a new puppy last week. I feel like, it may have been as much for us as for them, since we would love a grand babe from them but the time isn’t quite right for that yet. Anyway, this little guy is super cute! They decided to name him Kash, which we found very fitting and funny because of all the money one tiny animal seems to cost you. I don’t think this was their reasoning behind the name and I also don’t think they were very amused by our word play:)Isn’t he adorable though?!!Anyway, Kash is a puppy and puppies like to chew and bite on things. And, although it’s harmless at this stage, since his teeth are small, when he gets bigger he could do harm to their property or worse yet, people. So, when they are playing with him and he bites, they grab his snout, making it impossible for him to continue to bite.  Simply put, this is muzzling. Taking away his right to bite.This is essentially what Jesus is doing in this passage. Taking away this evil spirit’s right to bite. Isn’t that what evil does? It bites, leaving us with marks of it’s presence.Unlike mine, Jesus’ words always bring with them the invitation for life. By the word of his mouth he creates, he brings things into being and he speaks life over places that were once dead. Even words like, ‘be muzzled’.For the better part of my life, I lived in a very conflicted space in my head. While I love to study Scripture and learn what it means to be a daughter of the King, there has often been another voice in my head. A voice that took up residence in me early on in my life. One that has confused me and held me captive to it’s dark clutches for most of my days. One that needed to be muzzled by the only One who could.The thing about this inner voice of mine is that it was insidious. Much like the voice in this story that spoke some truth, calling Jesus The Holy One of God, the voice that held me captive twisted the truth, just enough to create a divide in my heart and mind, leaving me confused, fearful and isolated.This mean voice told me things like…* you are not like everyone else, you are irreparably broken* you can’t trust anyone completely, they will eventually leave you* if anyone really knows what goes on in your head, they will surely not want to be your friend*you can’t be a genuine Christian because the Bible says that you have been set free and you clearly are not free*everyone would be better off if you did not existAlthough at first glance you may be thinking, ‘why would you listen to that kind of nonsense?’, I had a very unique relationship to this voice. Often times, it felt like my friend, the one I could always count on to be there, somehow making my isolation a little more bearable. Other times I tried to pretend it didn’t exist. And then there were times that I would just try to speak louder than it did or stay busy enough to be just far enough ahead of it that its sound didn’t take me down. This cycle was exhausting and not the least bit productive and unfortunately, most times, I gave in to the shouts of it’s accusations. In my final attempt to eradicate this problem, at the persistent prompting of my dear Sherry, I agreed to go to counseling and let a professional in on it. I went banking on the fact that he would destroy this voice that was holding me captive.What I didn’t realize was that in order for me to be released from its grip, I would first need to do the hard work of vulnerability, letting someone else in on the real messages that played over and over in my mind. I would have to bring them into the light, in relationship, so that we could untangle the twisted thinking that was wreaking havoc in me.Brene Brown says,“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”This sounds really good when I read it on the screen of my computer or on the page of a book. But the truth is vulnerability is painful and hard. In fact, it may be one of the most painful things we can do. It’s a different kind of pain tho, the undoing kind. I feel like I have a high pain tolerance, but actually I have a high pain tolerance for a different kind of pain. The kind that hurts, not the kind that heals.  Unfortunately people who have a high tolerance for pain usually get it from having had lots of exposure to pain. But the kind of pain that vulnerability brings (when done in a safe environment), is actually doing the work of taking you apart, in order to put things back in their rightful order.When I asked Dr D. to destroy this part of me, he said he had another plan. A plan to listen to and love this part of me, not destroy her.  What?!! That was the day that I knew I was in for something totally new and different, although I wasn’t one bit excited about it or hopeful that it would work. In fact, I was pretty sure that loving that part of me was not going to work, but I agreed that he might know more than me in this area and was willing to try anything that might possibly allow some relief.{I should note that I am not saying that I had an evil spirit in me. I believe that once we belong to Jesus we are sealed with the Holy Spirit and that darkness cannot abide with Light. Thankfully, Jesus just won’t allow it. But, because of harm that I experienced in childhood, as well as the unfortunate circumstances that left me unbonded, it created a deep woundedness that needed to be healed and the enemy loves to poke and prod us in our weakness and try to convince us that we are not safe.}This long and vulnerable road was the pathway to freedom for me. As we spent week after week, listening to the messages that held me captive, asking questions around them and identifying where they might be coming from, we were able to cooperate with Jesus in the process of muzzling them. Understanding the purpose of this way of living, allowing it to take me to the deeper places where it was birthed in me and feeling the original affects of the pain, rather than avoiding, medicating or ignoring them, was the process that allowed me to see this voice for what it was. Not a friend at all, but a crippling liar.In the Bible, we see that during Jesus time on the planet, as well as all over the Old Testament, God is in the business of asking questions. He has given us a model for dialogue and an invitation to do so with Him. That’s really what wise counseling does. It creates a space for us to strengthen our ‘ask muscles’, in a safe environment. So that, when it’s season is over, and the old voices try to weasel their way back in, we have created a habit of asking.What is the message I am hearing?Is it helpful or hurtful?Is this a message of light or darkness?Does it line up with Scripture?…(Philippians 4:8—is it true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, excellent, worthy of praise?)For me, the muzzling of this crippling voice was the very thing that took the muzzle of off my own voice.  This shift released me to tell of the undoing that put me in the hands of the One who put me back together and gave me a new voice. And now, when I find myself stuck in a cycle of thinking that feels lifeless, I have practice at the art of vulnerability and can ask one of my safe people to help me walk through it. My journey with Christ and others on the matter has equipped me to sink into His strength, rather than try to muster it up on my own. And, now I know, in a much deeper way that He is delighted with me every time I do, not because I’ve done the right thing, but because I've entrusted myself to His care.As we go back to this ‘be muzzled’ statement that Jesus makes in verse 25, he not only silences this evil, but he tells it where to go and it has no choice but to go where He sends it. Not without a fight, but ultimately it must obey the One who’s words have the final say. And you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority. Colossians 2:10